Naya里维拉的喜悦遗产是如此的重要,它仍然是帮助我今天出来自己

多年来,《欢乐合唱团》遗留给我的是,它是一个被诅咒的显示与诅咒——故事情节和笑话,没有年龄加上不止一个明星在40岁之前死亡太暗重温。但是,当7月份Naya里维拉不幸去世失踪而划船和她4岁的儿子后,紧结莫名其妙地开始找房子在我的直觉,我觉得必须仔细看看这个节目和它的意思是有颗金子般的心的女孩。

毕竟,这是桑塔纳,交付之间的无缝移动的人最令人难忘的表演,拆她的敌人在一个呼吸,并显示一个对那些她不曾亲密非常忠诚,我再也不看谁,看到自己的部分(减去,接近我的朋友将会很快指出,任何形式的歌唱能力)。

我没有开始出来的酷儿直到我的25岁,表演结束后,这是一个旅程,我还在。但自从结签署了租赁在我的肚子,桑塔纳与出来帮助我,我自己和我的路径走向自我接纳。《欢乐合唱团》是一种罕见的网络显示在2010年代,因为它有多个可疑的人物,有些人,也许在纸上,我应该认同比我更紧密地与桑塔纳。例如,布列塔尼和我都是白色的双性恋女性,但是我们的相似之处结束。她从来没有疑问或困扰着她的性取向。她漂过的生活,接受她是谁。虽然令人钦佩,self-reckoning的缺乏使得她几乎认不出来我自己的经验。

我在一个积极重新长大新泽西的一部分。在初中有一次,我在一张纸上画了一条弯曲的线,对一个同学说,“这不是直接,也许都是我”。As the words flew out of my mouth, a look of horror crossed her face. I backtracked, made a mental note that my comment was "bad because gay," and prayed that it wouldn't fire up the ol' rumor mill. Throughout high school, I rotated through boys that I had crushes on (aka occasionally talked to and lightly Facebook-stalked). Some of these crushes were born out of genuine feelings while others were created out of necessity, because logic, more often than hormones, told me I should like a guy at all times. Simultaneously, I developed a quick wit that oftentimes manifested itself in making fun of other people's flaws. I became sarcastic, guarded, and acerbic, all in the name of being funny. It didn't matter if this came with holding a low-level amount of anger inside me. Coupled with the definitely only boys I ever had feelings for, I felt I could control my narrative.

有一个场景的两个季节《欢乐合唱团》在最近的一次回顾,抨击我敞开严重的结我的直觉不可能取回押金(flash调查:我应该停止用这个扩展又懒惰的比喻?)。桑塔纳告诉布列塔尼她爱她时,她说,“我是一个婊子,因为我生气。我生气,因为我所有的对你的感情,我怕处理。”She goes on to say she's not comfortable公开出来因为她害怕人们会说什么在她的背后。看桑塔纳给她的愤怒和上下文的防守态度给了我一个更大的理解我是谁。我一直被人们接近我称为“情感砖墙”和“一个艰难的人群。”These descriptors come from dear friends and they're absolutely true. I nitpick and criticize from afar and hold a PhD in deflection (a PhDeflection, nailed it). Writing and performing comedy is my greatest passion, but my early comedic voice was nothing more than sarcasm and an overblown fake self-confidence that barely cloaked my own insecurities and anger. Remember that Condescending Wonka meme from 2012? I dressed up as him for a themed party in college. It was an absolute hit because that meme aligned so closely with my whole deal.

我知道所有这些年后呢?虽然我现在有一个更好的参照系以前无法解释的时刻愤怒源于我的压抑,出来没有改变我的个性。这是好的。这同样适用于桑塔纳。有锐利的边缘和蛇鲨,但还有一个深忠诚,告知我们的织物。放弃这些特点会隐藏我们真正是谁——一个我们都停止了承认我们是同性恋。相反,出来给我们一个背景发展更好地了解自己,过去和现在。

在过去的几周里,桑塔纳已成为一种容器,通过它,我可以通过我自己的感受(一个我,就像桑塔纳,讨厌做),接受和拥抱都正面和负面,并最终看到自己在一个清晰的光。什么是令人难以置信的遗产。

当我看着《欢乐合唱团》十几岁的时候(因此在衣柜深处我不妨在纳尼亚),我不会猜测桑塔纳洛佩兹将这个角色对我有一个持久的和积极的影响。坦率地说,我从没想过我会返回。多年来,我可耻地告诉人们,“是的我过去看《欢乐合唱团》。不幸的是拥有很多的音乐,但谁在乎。显示是完全站不住脚的。我现在有更好的味道。”What a very Santana reaction to have.